Beverly Hills Ninja

Beverly Hills Ninja 1997

Beverly Hills Ninja 1997

Sam -There have been many tragic celebrity deaths over the years and very few have saddened myself and those close to me as much as that of Chris Farley.  I feel as though I’m able to write about him as a friend and not the famous icon that he is, just because that’s the way he came across in his comedy.  There was something very approachable to Chris’s style and instantly you were able to connect with him and whatever character (although usually not far off from the man himself) he was playing.

While most everyone knows his two popular movies, Tommy Boy and Black Sheep, there’s plenty other movies that he shines in even if not the staring role.  Beverly Hills Ninja is one of those movies.  Though the movie relies heavily (no pun intended) on obvious jokes about Chris Farley’s character, Haru, being the very opposite of what you’d think a ninja to be, Chris is able to still make the role work on a different level, coming across as lovable, honorable and very capable to handle the task at hand once given the room to do so.

There’s a ridiculous level to this movie, as is standard with a lot of the SNL alum movies of the time, but again, it fits perfectly and adds to it if anything.  I’d have to say though, that my favorite joke that appears a couple times, is not of the ridiculous nature but that of a simple and heart-warming gag where Haru, accustom to Japanese tradition continues to leave his shoes outside the doorway to the very upscale and swank hotel that he’s staying in, in Beverly Hills.  Each time he does so, one of the Hotel attendants is there after he leaves to pick them up for the garbage.  I’d say the second time he notices that they’ve been removed, the look he gives the empty space is priceless.  Something that most people don’t give him credit for or normally overlook, as they remember the fat guy that likes to fall on coffee tables and throw himself around (also hilarious) in order to make people laugh.

So all in all if we had an actual numeric rating system of some sort for the site, I’d give this movie as many numbers as it takes to let you know that I like it, and most notably the man that was known to few as, the Beverly Hills Ninja.

Tim -There’s a bizarre trend in Hollywood whereby the humor is found by adding “BEVERLY HILLS” to another word. We simple people are entertained by the hilarious contrast presented by just about any job title and the rich, pretentious Los Angeles neighborhood.  Beverly Hills Cop? Ha!  Troop Beverly Hills? Hoo ha! Beverly Hills Ninja? Hoo ha and a hee hee! Beverly Hills Chihuahua?! Oh! You’re killing me here!  See, they’ve got all this money, right? And, see, he’s a ninja/cop/troop/hill in a non-rich neighborhood. Ya get it?

Josh – N/A

Mike (Norton, special guest reviewer!) –  Just saw that’s the movie for today. I was gonna chime in on it, but damn if once maybe have been too much for that one… Hell, I didn’t feel bad for Chris Farley in that movie… I felt bad for Robin Shou, who played his buddy. He went from Mortal Kombat to THAT?  I think he dresses up like a woman for his ninja disguise if I remember right. 

“The blackness of my belt is like the inside of a coffin on a moonless night.” -(Haru) Chris Farley

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Published in: on April 30, 2009 at 11:43 am  Comments (1)  
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Crocodile Dundee

Crocodile Dundee 1986

Crocodile Dundee 1986

Sam – There was a VERY sessy butt in a VERY un-sessy bathing suit.  This shot was right before a crocodile decided to take back what was rightfully his by bursting out of the pond that our heroine was using to fill her canteen and latching onto said canteen with his fearsome, completely real, chompahs.  Enter title role as Paul Hogan bursts out of the same swamp with the line “I’m Crocodile Dundee, you filthy crocodile!  That’s not a knife, this is a knife!”, scaring the shit out of that croc and sending it running for it’s completely real life.  I did watch this one with my back to the TV, but my ears have never failed me before.  And let’s pray to the lord that they never do.  Crocodile Dundee is an American classic.  God Bless Crocodile Dundee.

Tim – I feel as though TBS is mining some of the same fields with this film as they did with this weeks earlier story, JUNGLE 2 JUNGLE. And, yes, this film is superior in every way to that film… but really, how many mornings can I ponder the differences and similarities between modern New York City and the untamed lifestyles of native peoples? Come on, TBS… tickle my mind with a new philosophical quandary. What’s next? WILD AMERICA? Wait..that has Jonathan Taylor Thomas in it. And this is TBS. Oh god… doomed… doomed…

Josh – While I am happy to see an homage to Steve Erwin finally coming to Hollywood, I am highly disappointed at the stereotypes portrayed in this film. Is it really necessary for Steve to be able to hypnotize animals with his fingers? Or carry a giant knife for that matter? He was an advocate for peace, not an Australian John Wayne. Anyway, I guess people responded well to it because I IMDB’d this movie and they ALREADY have two more movies ready to go. Personally, I think these laughs at his expense are still too soon.

Joey Jacks (special guest reviewer!) – I have consistently, my whole life, not paid attention to Crocodile Dundee. I remember on my fifth grade safety patrol trip to Washington D.C. where I farted on one of the seats of Senate, we had to watch this movie on the bus trip. I was having way too much fun to pay attention to this movie screaming “fat-geese” at geese outside and making as many other crewed jokes as I could considering the fact I was practically in Middle School now.  So upon coming into Devil’s Due I did what I have always done when seeing Crocodile Dundee on a television, I paid absolutely no attention to it- what so ever-.

Things said during movie (not-review):

– “See, movies in the 80’s weren’t afriad to casts beautiful girls that were older than 18.”

Published in: on April 29, 2009 at 2:24 pm  Comments (2)  
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Galaxy Quest

Galaxy Quest 1999

Galaxy Quest 1999

Sam – I have only ever seen bits and pieces of this when aired on TBS and I’ve liked the scenes I’ve seen when I catch them.  After seeing quite a bit of the movie today I realized how many really awesome actors are in this.  And Tim Allen.  Tim Allen is in this.  This is the best Tim Allen movie I’ve seen all week.  Even including the Allen-a-thon I had last night.

Tim -Observation 1: Tim Allen is always at his best when he plays some kind of Spaceman.  Observation 2- Sweet Ripley, Sigourney Weaver is hot in this. Observation 3: I’m stalling, trying to think of things to write about Galaxy Quest because I’m having trouble writing Hack/Slash. Observation 4-Veronica Mars’ dad is a comedic genius in this film.

Josh – It’s okay Alan Rickman. Not only do I forgive you, but I sympathize with you for having to be in this movie.

Things said during movie (not-review):

– “I wonder if Alan Rickman actually got to punch Tim Allen?”

Published in: on April 28, 2009 at 1:27 am  Comments (2)  
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Jungle 2 Jungle

Jungle 2 Jungle 1997

Jungle 2 Jungle 1997

Sam – As a rule, I don’t need extra story involving guns thrown into my Jungle Boy out of water story, and this was no exception to that rule.  I just want to see the crazy antics brought on by misunderstandings and differences in culture.  No guns, no guns.  Is not funny!  But apparently TBS has heard the masses that say “We want more Tim Allen!  Home Improvement at 11am is just NOT enough!”  And thankfully aired this gem.

They also changed the commercials too, I think pop-tart lady is gone. 😦

Tim – This is one of those films that relies primarily upon jokes involving the darting and eating of household animals and the grunting of Tim Allen for its laughs. Now, depending on your taste, that’ll either bust your ass up, or leave you waiting impatiently for the sweet sweet squeals of Mr. Brown in Tyler Perry ads as relief.

Josh – I have nothing to say about this.

Things said during movie (not-review):

– “The trivia for this one says that a whole day’s worth of filming was lost when left in a NYC cab and was never recovered.”

-“They should have left the whole fucking movie in there.”

Published in: on April 27, 2009 at 6:40 pm  Comments (1)  
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Three Men and a Little Lady

Three Men and a Little Lady 1990

Three Men and a Little Lady 1990

Sam – I was baby-mooned about 1 minute into this movie.  The beginning credits hadn’t even finished rolling.  I’d never seen this movie before only because there were zero reports of any phantom kids lurking the background of this sequel.  I was more of a Look Who’s Talking Too type guy when this came out.

But watching the pivotal moment of this movie I got really upset with the “mom” as she, on a whim, decided to get married, and move her and her daughter to England (the land that she once heard people “Talk like this.” [horrible British accent]) without even THINKING that our three dads would be the least bit upset.  Hogwash!

Tim – As the only one who was actually in the presence of this film the entire time it was playing (though I was drawing), I have to say, it was a perfect example of what I expect at 9 am from TBS. Inoffensive laughs, wacky mishaps. saccharin sweet moments, and Ted Danson dressed as, alternately, a Brazilian dancing girl, and a senile priest. Now, TBS, please, deliver upon these expectations. More GUTTENBERG.

Josh – Naturally when three dudes live together and one of them knocks a chick up, they ALL insist on being the dad.

Things said during movie (not-review):

– “He has a big wiener!”

-“It can’t be as big as Steve Guttenberg’s!”

-“The Gutte can barely stand!”

Out of Time

Out of Time 2003

Out of Time 2003

Sam – Thanks to Josh Emmons I couldn’t get it out of my head that this movie was supposed have some supernatural element even well after he corrected himself and said that he was thinking of another movie.  I kept looking for a scary wet Japanese girl to crawl out of something.  Never happened.  I just didn’t get this movie.  I mean I love Denzel,  (I wonder how many time‘s that statement has been written/said…?) but this movie had very little romance or comedy.  How’s someone suppsoed to connect to any of these charaters!?  Oh, and the statement I made during stands true; I do NOT appreciate it when movies use the “loading bar” on a computer as a suspense mechanism.   Give me good ol’ fashion “who’s around the corner?!” instead of that.

Tim – The true mystery to me behind this movie was “How have I never heard of this movie?” I mean, I pay attention to movies. And I pay attention to Denzel Washington, cuz he’s dreamy. But, somehow, there was some convoluted conspiracy to keep me from ever knowing that this film existed, until in the very end, all was revealed to me as it appeared, dramatically, on TBS.

Josh – Wow, it’s nice out today. I have to go, uh, “write”.

Josh (Emmons – Guest reviewer!) – This movie makes a compelling argument that, if budgetary constraints hadn’t forced police to stop stocking reams of 8×11, we would now be dealing with many fewer cases of departmental fraud.

Also, the reason the girl who burned up at the beginning is alive again at the end is obviously because Denzel jumped 4 days into the past to save her. I mean, look. It’s got “time” right there in the title!

Things said during movie (not-review):

– “I’d like to see the ending… but I’m OUT OF TIME!” (For real, I had to go get my bag from Jill. -Sam)

Published in: on April 23, 2009 at 10:51 pm  Comments Off on Out of Time  
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Zoolander

Zoolander 2001

Zoolander 2001

Sam – We just saw some old guy get hit by a car!  He’s okay though.  Oh, Zoolander?  Zoolander’s funny, even despite Ben Stiller.

Tim – Okay, so this is the first time the TBS 9 am movie is one I’ve seen in the theater. If i had seen “A Lot Like Love” I would try to gain Ashton’s powers in “The Butterfly Effect”, and go back in time and change it.

Josh – I’m glad I have to go work somewhere else or I’d actually want to watch this movie.

Things said during movie (not-review):

– “Those two talking smack back and forth is just as funny as Michael and Dwight talking smack to each other.”

Published in: on April 22, 2009 at 8:07 pm  Comments Off on Zoolander  
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Eraser

Eraser 1996

Eraser 1996

Sam – Arnold came in right at the beginning as a ninja and killed a guy just by closing a refrigerator door.  I don’t really have to see any more of this movie to give it my highest review to date.  Take that, “A Lot Like Love”.

Tim – Vanessa Wlliams plays a comedian who is angry that Poptarts are more popular than Amanda Peet, so she turns someone over to the FBI and Arnold has to fight alligators in a zoo to save her. At one point Arnold fights a sheet, although that may have been a parachute. And someone has a gun that shoots aluminum cans at the speed of light.

Josh – Arnold has to stop the aliens from bringing Jedi-technology-guns to America. Tyra Banks tires to help him but pretty much gets in the way the whole time.  The only thing anyone REALLY needs to remember from this movie is, “You’re luggage.”

Things said during movie (not-review):

– “It says on the trivia that originally the alligator was supposed to be parachuting too.”

Published in: on April 21, 2009 at 5:28 pm  Comments Off on Eraser  
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A Lot Like Love

A Lot Like Love 2005

A Lot Like Love 2005

Sam -Ashton’s a guilty pleasure of mine, but this is pretty hard to watch.  So I didn’t for the most part.

Tim – I was drawing while I watched it, but I know Amanda Peet was pretty and naked in a desert, and Pop Tarts were involved in some way. I believe the message of the film was hat Pop Tarts are more popular than Amanda Peet.

Josh – This movie has 1 Million fans on twitter.

Things said during movie (not-review):

– “I don’t think she’s hot, but when I first saw her I thought she was.”

-“The first time you saw her she was naked.”

Published in: on April 20, 2009 at 3:49 pm  Comments Off on A Lot Like Love  
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