The Fighting Temptations

The Fighting Temptations (2003)

The Fighting Temptations (2003)

Sam – Aaaaaand we’re back!  Okay, not really.  But there wasn’t a repeat today so we’re posting the actual movie along with “reviews”.  So The Fighting Temptations… sure.  Starring Beyonce and one of the stars of IRBW’s current “Worst” movie.  I’ve seen bits of this on TBS before and I’m glad that I didn’t have to again.

On a side note, I went to Atlanta this past weekend for Liz’s group OneTwoThree‘s show there at a comedy festival.  And while there I got to meet a bunch of really great people that are related to Rob from OneTwoThree, one of which was his brother-in-law, Bill.  Interestingly enough, Bill actually works for TBS there in Atlanta and had some pretty interesting stories about the back end of the station.  Now if I can only persuade him to put in a word with the 9am movie people to play my pick for “We guess what’s next“…

Tim – Dodged a bullet.

Things said during movie (not-review):

Where’s our TV?!”

British Candy Bar Review part 3: Lion on Vimeo

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Published in: on September 23, 2009 at 1:33 pm  Comments Off on British Candy Bar Review part 3: Lion on Vimeo  

Blue Streak (threepeat) Sean Dove vs. British Candy Bars pt. 2: Lion

So again, we had a repeat for Tuesday of Blue Streak so we’re continuing with our reviews of British candy bars by Sean Dove. Today we have the wonderful candy bar; Lion. Let’s see what our choco-expert has to say about this guy.

Lion

Sean tears through this one like a...

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Published in: on September 21, 2009 at 11:52 am  Comments (1)  
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Zathura (repeat): Sean Dove vs. British Candy Bars pt. 1: Yorkie (blue)

We’re going to do something extra special on days that we have repeats.  A couple months ago I stumbled upon the British candy bar section of my local grocer and I thought it’d be good to get a video of my friend (and candy bar connoisseur) Sean giving his review of each one.  So instead of a repeat review or no review of Zathura, today you get Sean Dove vs. British Candy Bars pt. 1: Yorkie (blue).  Enjoy!

Pt. 1: Yorkie Blue

Pt. 1: Yorkie Blue

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Published in: on September 21, 2009 at 10:34 am  Comments Off on Zathura (repeat): Sean Dove vs. British Candy Bars pt. 1: Yorkie (blue)  
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Just Friends (repeat with new reviewers!)

Just Friends (2005)

Just Friends (2005)

Josh Fritz (Special Guest Reviewer!) – I can see why Scarlett Johansson married Ryan Reynolds. I was all set to hate on him in this movie, but he totally won me over.

I think the best place to start when talking about this movie is the 1976 film “Carrie,” starring Sissy Spacek. For those of you who have not seen it, here comes a spoiler. “Carrie” tells the story of a very shy, isolated teenage girl with telekinetic powers, Carrie, played by Sissy Spacek. She is ostracized at school, largely due to the effect her fanatically religious mother has had on her.

So the girls at school don’t like Carrie to begin with. They’re super mean to her at the beginning of the movie, and because of it, they all get detention. One of the girls who was mean to her feels really bad about it, so she gets her extra hunky boyfriend to take her to the prom. She genuinely wants Carrie to have a good time. But the meanest of the girls don’t feel that way. Knowing she’s going to prom with the super hunky guy, they decide to completely humiliate her in front of the entire school. They make sure she and her date are named prom king and queen, and as she’s up on the stage being crowned, they dump pig blood on her.

Carrie reacts by using telekinesis to trap everyone in the building, and then she burns it down. Following that, she goes home where her mother attempts to kill her, now that she has found out about her telekinetic powers. In self defense, Carrie kills her mother, then feels really bad about it, and brings the house down in flames on top of them both.

So, what does Carrie have to do with “Just Friends?” Well, “Just Friends” is what the sequel to Carrie should have been, if only Carrie had made a better decision after getting blood dumped on her at the prom. In “Just Friends,” the overweight Chris (Ryan Reynolds) is humiliated in front of his graduating class as a football jock reads a note confessing his love for his best friend. Chris’s response is to sheepishly leave the party, graduate high school, go to the gym, attend college, and then become an extremely successful entertainment agent in Los Angeles.

Carrie should have left the prom, gone home, made up with her crazy mom, and then embarked on the road that would have made her the hottest, most successful Carrie she could be. And just like in the end of “Just Friends,” 10 years later she would have totally bagged her high school crush, the guy from “The Greatest American Hero.” In fact, in my mind, she did, because the whole time I was watching “Just Friends” I was imagining Carrie in the role of Chris.

Overall, an utterly enjoyable film. It had Ryan Reynolds being funny, and wearing a fat suit, although it did look like he had eyeliner on a lot of the time. And the girl from “Road Trip” was cute in it too.

Courtney McCormick – What’s up Class of ’95?!!!
Just Friends.  I had not seen this before.  Josh (B.) has mentioned it lots because we graduated in ’95 and he’s a fool for reunions so I was excited to finally view this film.

So, Ryan Reynolds.  He’s now super delish and this was clearly a step along his transformation to Optimum Sexy Pants.  I recently watched Adventureland and noticed in both movies that he looks like a giant compared to his costars.  Did a little research and he’s 6′-2″.  That’s not enormous.  The rest of Hollywood must be miniature.

This movie also featured the cute kid from Fanboy.  I like him.  I like that movie.

But what can I say about this movie… it’s a Christmas movie.  That’s fun.  And based in New Jersey.  Everyone likes Jersey!

Question: why the internal monologue 3/4 way thru movie?  Seemed out of place.

In closing, my favorite line of the movie goes to Anna Farris’s character with  “God I wanna lick your skin off.”

Big thanks to Sam for letting me sit in as guest reviewer.  It’s been an honor.  And now, I’d rather be working which in my case is figuring out why the boy skipped school today.  Cheers!

Things said during movie (not-review):

I’m not going to post your review today because I don’t fucking feel like it!”

Published in: on September 18, 2009 at 11:33 am  Comments Off on Just Friends (repeat with new reviewers!)  
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Sister Act (repeat with new reviewers!)

Sister Act (1992)

Sister Act (1992)

Kevin Sciretta (Special Guest Reviewer!) –  Right, so, Sister Act. I’ve never seen it. Not all the way through. I’ve caught bits and pieces of it on the Basic Cable, and here’s what I’m to understand occurs. Whoopi Goldberg is a singer for the mob. Harvey Keitel kills a guy, Whoopi sees it, so the FBI hides her in a convent run by Maggie Smith, who is very, very, British. Pretty standard procedure when dealing with a witness in a federal murder case. Right there in the FBI Handbook.

The nuns hide Whoopi with their Catholic voodoo spells, but the voodoo stops working when Whoopi jazzes up their choir with her patented brand of sassy wisdom, which will now forever be known as “sassdom”. They get good at singing, and Maggie Smith tries to stop this because anything that makes people enjoy themselves is antithetical to what it means to be a Roman Catholic. The Pope shows up with mobsters, they kidnap Whoopi and take her back to Reno and the nuns save Whoopi from being killed. Not the FBI, mind you, but nuns. Makes sense if you went to Catholic school. Those broads are tough. Anyway, they go on to sing for the Pope, who is so pleased with the performance he names Whoopi head coach of the New York Knicks.

Pretty sure that’s what happens.

If there’s anything to be learned from seeing 15 minutes of this film at random intervals, it’s that the Roman Catholic Church has the worst music of all the major religions. They had one hit with “Amazing Grace”, and everyone knows Baptists sing it better anyway.

When baptised by the Church (That’s right. Capital C Church.), Catholics are not only absolved of Original Sin, but also of the diabolical bane known as Sense of Rhythm. This leads to the production of slow, plodding hymns with the melodic subtlety of very deliberate hammer beating, which nicely compliments the 45-minute homily Father O’Brien just delivered on why you’ll be raped by demons for not bringing enough Dinty Moore to the fucking canned goods drive. This is why Catholics are so angry after Mass. They just sat through a two-hour service, half of which is spent kneeling, being told they’re going to Hell while listening to hymns that sound like dirt being slowly shoveled onto the lid of a coffin.

I’m just saying, there’s a reason no one’s ever been called “The Catholic Sam Cooke.”

If the modern Church had any sense, it would hire someone like Whoopi to go from parish to parish and install some actual god-damn entertainment. Put some butts in seats. Sing some songs people enjoy. Get the Wave going. Install a popcorn machine. Shake it up a little. Sister Act that sumabitch.

I hope this was helpful.

Dan Radke (Special Guest Reviewer!) –  I hadn’t seen Sister Act since it came out, and I’ve proudly stated that fact on more than one occasion. But then Sam asked me to review it.

My first thought was- there’s no way I’m watching it.

I know! I’ll review what I remember about it. It’ll be great.

Then I saw Liz had done just that for Son-In-Law a couple days ago.

Then I thought, hey, I’ll make up some zany plot and pretend its Sister Act! Pure gold!

Then I saw Brian Crowley pulled the same shit with the same Pauly Shore abortion (Actually Son-In-Law rocks).

So what did that mean for me? I’ve got to actually watch Sister Act?

Well, fuck that. I’m not watching that bullshit.

And I know it’s really easy to make fun of Whoopi Goldberg. I’ve done it. It’s really easy. But have you seen this movie?

I’m not watching this. Do you hear me, Sam? Can you fucking hear me?

I think it’s all pretty obvious. If you’re over 40 and you love our lord and savior and tip-toeing a few inches into the lands of indecency, you’ll love this movie. It’ll be a good, wholesome hoot.

If you have an unhealthy obsession with those formulaic, cheap comedies from the late 80’s and early 90’s, you will love this movie.

But hear this. Those are the ONLY two instances in which you will like this film.

And if you do fall into either of these categories, I will pray for you.

I will pray for your soul.

I’m not fucking watching this movie.

Things said during movie (not-review):

“Holy crap, what happened here? Did you guys move while drunk?!”

Published in: on September 17, 2009 at 5:06 pm  Comments Off on Sister Act (repeat with new reviewers!)  
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Code Name: The Cleaner

Code Name: The Cleaner (2007)

Code Name: The Cleaner (2007)

Sean Dove (Special Guest Reviewer!) – When Sam instant messaged me this morning asking me to do today’s review for “Code Name: The Cleaner” my first thought was YES Lucy Liu. My second thought was oh no Lucy Liu. I’m not sure how but she only gets cast in really shitty movies. But I still hold an affection for her in good and bad.

So ok “Code Name: The Cleaner” is the story of Jake played by Cedric the Entertainer he wakes up in a hotel with a suitcase filed with money and a dead FBI agent. You would think that’s an awesome party he had last night, but no he has “amnesia”.

Before we get too far I want to say one thing, I think it’s pretty great that Cedric comes from a family who’s last name is Entertainer. It’s even better that his parents had the guts to make his middle name “The”.

Ok back to the movie, Mr. Entertainer runs in to a girl outside the hotel that says shes his wife, YES! Mr. Entertainer is married to Lucy Liu. Anyway bla bla bla Mr. Entertainer thinks he was a spy or something and there is a video game company and lots of people show up that have no idea what’s going on. Also Mark Dacascos is in it and for some reason they don’t let him really do any martial arts.

I think this is the first Cedric film I’ve seen. All I know is now I really want a film staring Cedric the Entertainer and Kevin James of King of Queens fame. It’s a film about two guys that find out they are brothers. But wait one is white the other is black but they are both super silly and fall down a lot. Now that is comedy.

Oh yeah also “Code Name: The Cleaner” is filled with great one liners like.
“I’m some sorta black Rambo”
“Ok Blambo, lets go!”

To be honest at one point I changed the channel and forgot to turn it back. By the time I did they where showing funny bloopers in the credits.

I give this movie (or what I saw of it) 3 Kevin James out of 5

Daniel Strabley (Special Guest Reviewer!) – Ohhh where to start, where to start… ok, well I guess it begins when Jake Rogers (aka – Cedric the Entertainer) wakes up in bed with a dead FBI agent, a briefcase full of money and, are ready for this… amnesia…

Waking up snuggling with a dead guy in a hotel room with a case of money starts to sound like one of those, “it’s not gay if we both take the roofie” nights but – it’s not. I guess he just doesn’t know what is going on and after what can only be some comedic confusion  he sprints out of the hotel only to run into his upper-class cougar of a wife, which  if you can believe he does not know but decides to play along anyways.

They, Mr. & Mrs. Entertainer, go back to their house which is an elaborate mansion where they consult a doctor about his memory loss to which the doctor mentions some kind of sexual therapy to help him remember what happened –  I’m just as lost as you are – when Cedric overhears this, he flips out and takes off running. Oh! I guess he is also having flashbacks that he is some kind of CIA agent.  Anyways… he goes back to the hotel because returning to the scene of a crime where you quite possible killed a man in your sleep is the smartest idea in the world.

Ummm.. at the hotel he meets Lucy Lu who says she’s his girlfriend… (score)… and she tells him he is a janitor and inserts the only quotable jokes of the movie – she said he’s not “Special Op’s” but “Special Mops” and “Broooom Raider!” which makes no goddamn sense but the good people on YouTube seem to find it hysterical.

After that sonic boom of hilarity Cedric is trying to tell Lucy Lu that he is a special agent. She calls him fat or something then actual agents show up and then Lucy Lu says she’s the special agent all along and Cedric is all like “nu uh” and she was all like “uh huh!” and then there was a big car scene where some shit exploded… then for some reason he is dresses as a Dutchman and then there is a scene where he dances a little bit.

I’m not sure how this movie ended but in the trailer I watched, there were some girls in a hot tub and a car crash so by my best estimate, Cedric the Entertainer is dead… and probably died in some hot tub-car related accident… And he sees dead people.

Thhheee endddd.

Things said during movie (not-review):

Moving is easier when you’re drunk!”

Published in: on September 16, 2009 at 9:41 am  Comments Off on Code Name: The Cleaner  
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Son In Law

Son in Law (1993)

Son in Law (1993)

Sam – This week the IRBW headquarters are moving.  So until we’re up and running at MAX CAPAS (Starring Vin Diesel), we’re going to have guest reviewers even on repeats.  Here’s your guest reviewers for today’s gem. (PS – I love Pauly Shore movies.)

Liz McArthur (Special Guest Reviewer!) – So, Sam has asked me to review Son-in-Law. I have see this movie a MILLION times because I used to LOVE Pauly Shore! LOVE!

Here’s the problem. I have a terrible memory. The only information my mind ever really retained is every episode of the Muppet Show, potatoes are good, and the name of every girl Sam had a crush on in High School. I’d like to give you a peek into this mish-mashed-vodka sponge I call my brain, with a… (SOUND THE HORNS!)

SUMMARY OF THE MOVIE SON IN LAW BY SOMEONE WHO NEVER REMEBERS SHIT!

So the movie starts Pauly Shore is probably doing something crazy and weird. And then his girlfriend shows up with her parents because they are going to go visit her farm or something. They think he’s weird. The chicks dad wants help around the farm but wouldn’t you know it Pauly Shore is NOT much help. Right about now he probably “squishes a weasel” or whatever it is that he always used to say. Now I remember some sort of trouble with Tiffany Amber Theisen. I think she was the girlfriend of someone from town that like wanted the farm or just didn’t like Pauly Shore’s girlfriend or something. Because I remember there were like drugs planted in a car or something but Pauly Figured the whole scam out because the seat was pushed too far back. Now that I think about it maybe that trick was played on Tiffany Amber Theisen. No one can be sure. I think right about now is when Pauly probably proved himself in every way to his girlfriend’s family. Actually now that I think about THAT, I guess they are fiancés, since the movie is called Son-in-Law. Is that why she brought him home? That would make sense. And maybe it was an old boyfriend that was planting drugs? Or was it guns? It doesn’t matter. Anyway everyone likes Pauly now and they get married. I think someone drove a red truck.

The end.

Brian Crowley (Special Guest Reviewer!) – I’ve a lot to say about this movie… but firs thing’s first… let your mind absorb this Carla Gugino looks virtually the same today as when she made this movie. She’s 39.  Amazing. I would think after this movie, a beautiful, good actress like her would be well on her way to the top tier of Hollywood, yet she fucked around in shit like Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco I mean WHAT THE FUCK!?!? Fire your agent after that! my second side-note is that her father is played by Lane Smith known as Perry White to people who would sit through Dean Cain’s Superman to stare at Terri Hatcher. He was in Rooster Cogburn as Leroy. He’s now in heaven playing 308th banana to John Wayne in whatever movies play in the afterlife.

Anyhow… back to this movie. You’d think that TBS would just be running this movie because it’s a tame rom-com, but no, looks are deceiving. In the first twenty minutes of this movie Pauly Shore is bludgeoned to death in his bed by a young Viggo Mortenson. Then after rescuing Carla Gugino’s character from a school that Pauly Shore’s character had planted a bomb in they meet up in Harlem with Zeus (played by Samuel L Jackson). They race to get to the White House because Zeus’s woman (played by Geena Davis) is the president and aliens are invading. Her chief of staff (Lane Smith) is having an affair with his mistress (Tiffany Amber Thiessen) as he sounds the alarm and they get aboard the rogue spacecraft in Area 51. Samuel L. Jackson’s random death via shark is really unexpected in the vacuum of space about a haunted pirate rogue UFO.

It’s a really solid movie. Good job TBS!

Things said during movie (not-review):

Do they have TBS on that end of Roscoe Village?”

Mighty Ducks (three-peat)

Can’t help but realized that if this movie is shown three times we could have seen the sequels instead.

Published in: on September 14, 2009 at 9:57 am  Comments Off on Mighty Ducks (three-peat)  

Must Love Dogs

Must Love Dogs (2005)

Must Love Dogs (2005)

Sam – Highlight: Glenn Howerton (Dennis) from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia plays a drunk brother or something.  Lowlight: (As Tim put it:) Inevitable group/family musical number that so spontaneously happens at dinner near the beginning of the movie.  I must note that the same shenanigans got the TV turned the hell off during My Best Friend’s Wedding.  That level of disrespect is right up there with the phrase; “Stay tuned, Home Improvement is next.”

The SUPER Highlight: Diane Lane is 44 years old and looks like this –

www.bonertownusa.com

Tim – Here’s where I start to question the whole IRBW experience. I have now seen Must Love Dogs. Not that it’s a horrific film or anything, but really, it’s brings up the question of WHY I’v seen it. How will this affect my life? How will it be useful? Now I am a human who has seen Must Love Dogs. I have joined that group so to speak. Am I okay with that?!

Things said during movie (not-review):

We celebrate this holiday with yet another attack on man.”

Published in: on September 11, 2009 at 3:16 pm  Comments (3)  
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