Win a Date with Tad Hamilton

For last week’s reviews we’re doing one word-ish reviews since I (Sam) wasn’t actually here…

Win a Date With Tad Hamilton 2004
Win a Date With Tad Hamilton 2004

Sam – “IRBW”

Tim – Self-abuse

Josh – WTF

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Published in: on May 29, 2009 at 11:01 am  Comments Off on Win a Date with Tad Hamilton  
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George of the Jungle

George of the Jungle 1997

George of the Jungle 1997

Sam – Hair

Tim – Tree

Josh – Monkey

Published in: on May 28, 2009 at 10:51 am  Comments Off on George of the Jungle  
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Guess Who

Guess Who 2005

Guess Who 2005

Sam – Reversal

Tim – Dumbwhiteman

Josh – Knock-knock

Published in: on May 27, 2009 at 10:50 am  Comments Off on Guess Who  
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Corrina Corrina

Corrina Corrina 1994

Corrina Corrina 1994

Sam – Whoopiboobs

Tim – Sentimetalretardation

Josh – ??????

Published in: on May 26, 2009 at 10:28 am  Comments Off on Corrina Corrina  
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Swordfish

Swordfish 2001

Swordfish 2001

Sam – Berryboobs.

Tim – ‘splode!

Josh – Yummy

Published in: on May 25, 2009 at 10:23 am  Comments Off on Swordfish  
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Head of State (Again)

Boooooo

Published in: on May 22, 2009 at 1:18 am  Comments Off on Head of State (Again)  

The Whole Ten Yards

The Whole Ten Yards (2004)

The Whole Ten Yards (2004)

Sam – It’s sort of fitting that the day after our one month anniversary that we get another Amanda Peet movie to bookend with A Lot Like Love from our first review.  But this time her co-stars are worth watching, even if they’re in this movie.  I guess the only unfortunate thing about a movie that makes money is that you’re more than likely going to eventually get Scary Movie 4.  To use that segue, driving Liz to work this morning we saw people on the corner of Ohio and LaSalle waving giant signs that were promoting Dance Flick.  They were dressed in “stupid” dance/workout clothes.  I guess they were on that corner because of the trapped audience of people coming off of and going onto the Ohio ramp, but still strikes me as odd as there’s no movie theater anywhere near there.

We’re just three years off of watching Dance Flick at 9am on TBS.  But that’s okay because by then we’ll have figured out how to make millions off of a movie review blog and we’ll have people that we pay to watch these movies for us and give us the gist for our reviews.

Tim – Okay, I know there was more movie going on here, but I couldn’t get past Kevin Pollack caked in make-up and doing some kind of russian/polish/italian accent. It was just… wow… y’know what… Forget it. I have to say how I really feel. Fuck you, movie. Fuck you straight to hell.

Josh – N/A

Brian Crowley (Special Guest Reviewer) – N/A

Things said during movie (not-review):

– “I thought you said she DOESN’T get naked in this movie.”

Murder at 1600

Murder at 1600 (1997)

Murder at 1600 (1997)

Sam – Well played having the murder happen not only at the address 1600, but they also made sure to show that it happened at precisely 4pm Eastern time.  Kudos to the writter and director for pulling these two things in together so perfectly.  I have a really hard time caring about cop-suspense movies though I’m a pretty big fan of the suspense genre as a whole.  I just got burned pretty bad back in the late 80’s and early 90’s.  Turns out the cops win in those.  Not too much suspense in that.

Tim – I was having a hard time figuring out the politics of this film. On one hand, the Snipes character built miniature war scenes for fun (republican film), Dennis Miller had a small roll(republican film), and the murder suspect president is a pacifist secular humanitarian (republican film). BUT, then the bad guys turned out to be warmongering, military industrial complex types who framed the prez (liberal film.) BUT, there’s an assassin named John Kerry (republican film.) So, I’m getting more mixed politics here than if I had been flipping back and forth between Bill O’Reilly and Keith Oberman. Oh..wait…what’s that you say?  Not all films have political agendas and some are meant to merely slightly entertain as you wipe your bleary eyes and eat Honeycomb on the couch at 9 in the morning? I see. Well, carry on.

Josh – N/A

Things said during movie (not-review):

– “Dammit!  Sean DID find the cookies even though we hid them!”

Published in: on May 20, 2009 at 3:36 pm  Comments Off on Murder at 1600  
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Stuck on You

Stuck On You 2003

Stuck On You 2003

Sam – I honestly can’t believe that they were able to take one joke and stretch it for an entire movie.  I’m guessing that if this premise wasn’t done for a wide release and it was mildly offensive, that the movie might have actually been good.  There’s a Mr. Show sketch about conjoined twins that’s much funnier than anything in this entire movie.  One good thing that came out of this though is that Tim made me look up Matt Damon’s impression of Matthew McConaughey.  Whew!

Tim – The Farelly’s have had it pretty tough in that their Something About Mary pretty much blew the doors off any comedy film at the time, and put them into a position of having  to deal with very high expectations. Stuck On You fits into a strange place as not really working well as a comedy (at all), but being a decent enough, sincere little character piece with some damn fine actors. On the other hand, Cher is in it, and whenever I see her, I think of her solo music career and warbling voice, despite the fact that she has often done some decent films. This is too much conflict this early in the morning.

Josh – N/A

Things said during movie (not-review):

– “Dude, ‘Dance of the Dead’ had zombies that burst out of their graves and hit the ground running!  That’s one of the best things I’ve seen in a long time.”

Band Camp

Band Camp 2005

Band Camp 2005

Sam – This is actually the second time TBS has aired Band Camp in the 9am time slot, however IRBW was not up and running when it first ran, much like Cool Runnings.  Hopefully this is not a trend.  I hate throwing the “I’d Rather Be Working” term around, but we didn’t actually force ourselves to watch it again so I guess it applies here.  I’m very amazed though that this property was strong enough to not only feature two sequels, but a spin-off movie on top of that.  I just wonder if the idea for Band Camp was there right after the first movie or if it was brought up after the second or third.  I’d like to think that this movie was actually the goal and the other ones were just the vehicle to get Band Camp to the people.  I can’t watch anything American Pie without instantly thinking of Alyson Hannigan giving that famous and wildly annoying line.  PS – she is cute and not in this.

Tim – Goddamn it, TBS. I fee like I don’t ask much of you, but, I think it’s fair for me to ask that you spare us DIRECT-TO-VIDEO movies. I especially feel it is relevant in this case when we have a spin-off American Pie movie, featuring a character who is apparently Stifler’s brother. And it is maybe the worst thing ever.

Josh – I can’t decide which is worse punishment; having to act like you’re supposed to be like Seann Williams Scott as Stifler to play his little brother in the movie, OR if you’re supposed to be another character acting like Seann Williams Scott actually as the character, Stifler.

Sean Dove (Special Guest Reviewer!) – Ok I’ll admit it, I’ve watched this film a few times. Nothing is good about this movie, but if it’s on I can’t seem to find a good reason to turn it off. Maybe it’s Arielle Kebbel, she is so damn cute it’s hard to turn away. Or making robots to spy on unsuspecting naked band girls. Whatever it is, it’s made me watch this movie 4 or 5 times.

Looking up the director I’m happy to find out he has also made a sequel to Road Trip, Road Trip II: Beer Pong. I suspect I’ll be watching this one a couple times also… someone stop me.

Things said during movie (not-review):

– “Oh shit, Sean’s coming up – hide all the cookies!”

Published in: on May 18, 2009 at 4:32 pm  Comments Off on Band Camp  
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