BeYaz!

I know that IRBW has a purpose and I shouldn’t abuse my power as a contributor, but it MUST be brought to everyone’s attention that Yaz is at it again. They’re trying to pull the wool over our eyes with their new product BeYaz!

This has got to stop! For all that is holy, please ladies; DO NOT TAKE YAZ OR BEYAZ!! You will die. Guarenteed.

Or maybe do. I dunno…sounds like it might be good.

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Published in: on March 5, 2011 at 11:01 pm  Comments Off on BeYaz!  
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The Back-up Plan (2010)

The Back-up Plan (2010)

The Back-up Plan (2010)

Sam – Lately I’ve come under attack for IRBW and I’d like to take this opportunity to address those attacks.

Sean, you’re a buttface. How was I supposed to know that you’d like to review movies remotely? HOW WAS I TO KNOW?!?! I offered for you and the rest of Four Star Studios to take the blog over considering you all have a giant TV in the office and can easily watch horrible movies all the time. You passed, so the blog stays with me. Done and done. Also, you mentioned that we’ve been too harsh on the movies thus far, so please, in the comments defend It’s Complicated and Rocket Science.

The other attack came from my current review partner, Joe Song. Joe; you’re not respecting the essence of what IRBW IS. If it’s a rom-com, then sir, we’ll eventually watch it. You’re not always in the office, so you’ll luckily get to avoid some of these, stop yer whining.

As for the actual movie, it sucked. Duh.

Joe Song – Ten suicides out of ten.

Things said during movie (not-review):

I’d like to see YOUR pancakes!”

Published in: on October 28, 2010 at 11:35 am  Comments (1)  
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Rocket Science (2007)

Rocket Science (2007)

Rocket Science (2007)

Sam – There’s nothing more annoying that listening to someone stutter. I thought I was messing up the flow of IRBW by getting this movie for us to watch. I was completely wrong. Dead wrong. Wrong. Wro.

There’s no redeeming quality about this movie; death by quirkiness.

Joe Song – Hollywood needs to stop making movies about teenagers because they are THE most
uninteresting people in the world.

Things said during movie (not-review):

– “There’s nothing you could do to make it up to me for making me watch this movie.”

It’s Complicated

It's Complicated (2009)

It's Complicated (2009)

Sam – HOLY BALLS! I forgot we had this site. That is until I was on the street the other day and some kid came up to me, tugged on my jacket sleeve and when I looked down at the little guy, he said (almost in tears), “Hey Miwster… why don’t you do reviews no mowa?”

He’s right! Why the fuck don’t we do reviews any more? Just cause TBS dropped the ball and none of us are in the same offices anymore? Why should that stop the most influential site known to man? Why should you, the reading public, suffer just because everyone that contributed to this blog before actually WOULD rather be working and are too damn busy to keep reviewing horrible movies? Well, to put it mildly… it’s complicated…

The movie starts out slow but picks up a few minutes in with Glen Close’s character sitting around talking to a living room full of clones of herself. The thing is, they’ve all be raised with slightly different upbringings and variations on the suburban christian cookie-cutter lifestyle. Just ever so slightly that each one of them despises one another for very VERY trivial reasons. The movie continues to show that each one of them has been gunning for the main Glen Close’s ex-husband played by a cyborg that is made to look stunningly like Billy Baldwin if he had had a successful career in acting rather than porn. All of the Glen clones’ plans are disrupted when Steve Martin actually transports himself into every copy of the movie to fight off the Baldwin cyborg in order to save the good Baldwin name as well as something about oil futures and stocks or something. That’s the part I sort of got lost and really only tuned in every time someone did something to embarrass someone over the age of 50.

The end really made me think though and this is definitely up there with Shutter Island as as movie you’ll have to go back and watch at least two times to see what was REALLY happening throughout this mind-fuck of a film. It was only when I watched it a second time that I noticed that Steve Martin was really played by my friend Jill Valentine and that she was begging me to put her out of her misery and turn the movie off. Upon my 15th viewing of the movie I finally talked her out of killing the rest of the cast and she came over to my house to drink some dirty martinis with blue cheese olives. We then watched the movie in the backyard and when it was over, destroyed the dvd with a shovel.

If you spot a copy of this dvd – I suggest you do the same.

Joe Song – It was too complicated for me to understand. Where were the minorities??

Things said during movie (not-review):

– “Seriously, can we turn it off?”

Published in: on October 20, 2010 at 6:07 pm  Comments Off on It’s Complicated  
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British Candy Bar Review part 6: Yorkie (w/raisns)

Can a candy bar with Raisins beat all the other candy bars?! At first I thought adding raisins would be very gross, but I forgot how good chocolate covered anything is, so I might be wrong… Also, I added a poll at the bottom for you to decide which candy bar is the best. If you haven’t had any of these before, then just vote by name, wrapper or review.

-Sam

Yorkie w/Raisins

Yorkie w/Raisins

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Published in: on February 12, 2010 at 10:43 am  Comments Off on British Candy Bar Review part 6: Yorkie (w/raisns)  
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British Candy Bar Review part 5: Aero (regular)

Okay well somehow after we stopped doing reviews our traffic has tripled. So it MUST be the candy bar reviews. So since I have a couple left, here’s the review of the regular version of Aero. I might just go buy some more and do some more reviews!

Aero

Pt 5 - Aero

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Published in: on February 4, 2010 at 11:08 am  Comments Off on British Candy Bar Review part 5: Aero (regular)  
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Sean Dove vs. British Candy Bars pt. 4: Aero (Green)

Some how the site had the most views ever yesterday, a week after we stopped doing TBS reviews.  Here’s today’s treat – Sean Dove reviewing another British candy bar. (I tried this one and it was amazing!)

Aero Green

Aero Green

Delicious!

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Published in: on October 7, 2009 at 10:50 am  Comments Off on Sean Dove vs. British Candy Bars pt. 4: Aero (Green)  
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THE END IS NIGH!

Well ladies and gentlemen… it looks like things beyond our powers have put a definite halt to the blog as TBS has stopped their 9am morning movies.  I don’t doubt that the site will be back in some fashion, but for now we really don’t fell like reviewing episodes of Home Improvement, Married With Children or Saved by the Bell.

So for now (or until I get a couple more of the British Candy Bar reviews up), farewell.

when i wake up in the morning and my alarm gives out a warning i don't think i'll ever make it on time...

when i wake up in the morning and my alarm gives out a warning i don't think i'll ever make it on time...

Published in: on September 30, 2009 at 5:14 pm  Comments Off on THE END IS NIGH!  
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American Pie 2 (repeat): Sean Dove vs. British Candy Bars pt. 3: Milkybar

Another repeat on TBS’s part means another grand review of a British Candy Bar by Sean Dove.  This time he tackles a Milkybar and lives to tell the tale!  I’m proud of him for going head first into something called “Milkybar”.  Bravo!

Milkybar

Milkybar

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Not Another Teen Movie

Not Another Teen Movie (2001)

Not Another Teen Movie (2001)

Sam –  I first saw this movie with my sister-in-law on DVD, for what reason we decided this was a good one to watch is beyond me.  But I’m glad we did!!  These fucking spoof movies are probably going to be humanity’s undoing… yet I found this one to be a clever romp with laughs and surprises for everyone (ages 17 and over) to enjoy.  This movie was the first time I saw someone call out teen movies for the “yes it was a dare/joke/favor when I started dating you, but I didn’t even take the (fill in reward here) because I, love, you.” line that somehow always makes things better.

It also has Randy Quaid affectionately calling his daughter “pumpkin tits” or something along those lines.

Tim – Okay… so I barely remember this flick. It seems I watched it while drunk or sick… maybe stoned. I don’t know. But Chris Evans is funny, and I kind of have a man-crush on him a tad. And any movie that makes fun of the “Hollywood Ugly” trope, where an ungodly hot girl is nerdy, has my affection.

Sean Dove (Special Guest Reviewer!) – So Sam asked me to do another review for some movie called “Not Another Teen Movie”. I had never seen or ever heard of this movie (wink). It seems silly to try and write a review for this movie that I’ve never seen (Chough! Chough!). But lets say I have seen it, and I didn’t think it was bad, and I might have laughed at a lot of stuff I feel bad for laughing at.

“Not Another Teen Movie” takes it’s main plot from another teen favorite “She’s All That”, which takes its plot from another teen favorite “My Fair Lady”, which takes its plot from yet another teen favorite ‘Pygmalion”. Popular Jock makes a bet with his friends that he can take an “ugly girl” Janey Briggs and turn her in to the class prom queen. Janey Briggs is played by Chyler Leigh, I watched 2 episodes of the dreadfully bad “That ’80s Show” partly because “Not Another Teen Movie” star Chyler Leigh was in it. Hello cute!

Anyway yeah a bunch of stuff from other “teen” movies happen and somehow again I laughed a bunch.

Ok so for my review I’ll take a note from “Not Another Teen Movie” and use a bunch of reviews online for my own review:

“Not Another Teen Movie” is a big, fat, juicy spitball lobbed, with mostly dead-on aim, at the teen-smarm clichés that have accumulated like so much earwax over the last three years. It’s stupid, it’s obvious, it’s scatological and violent — but it made me laugh and I’m giving it thumbs up, God help me. It’s clever satire that’s layered like a breakfast club sandwich with sly in-jokes, sight gags, gross-out scenes, and, of course, requisite bathroom humor. But more often than not you’ll be groaning from painful recognition rather than actually laughing. The makers of “Not Another Teen Movie” should be embarrassed that, in parodying “She’s All That”, they copied most of the plot and then made a movie that bogs down in the same places as the original. “Not Another Teen Movie” Plumbs new depths of offensiveness for its stomach-churning crudities, it’s a little like watching Christina Aguilera make fun of Britney Spears.

OH also when looking up “Not Another Teen Movie” I learned in production it was called the much better title “Ten Things I Hate About Clueless Road Trips When I Can’t Hardly Wait to Be Kissed”. AWESOME!

Things said during movie (not-review):

Oh no! This new place has SPIDERS!!”